My lack of posts on instagram lately and my lack of lustre both come down to the same thing, things aren’t going as planned. My food has been abysmal, my weight has been climbing, and my mood has been plummeting.
I’m not sure what it is, whether weight watchers doesn’t suit me or I’m not ready to have that kind of freedom within a plan but I just start eating and dont stop at the moment. I’m not talking kale here either. I have a rap sheet of ice cream, cookies, granola squares and gained inches.
Something has to shift cause my tightening jeans are not making me feel good at all. I want to feel good. So I started thinking about what makes me feel good.
Boundaries make me feel good. Knowing where those boundaries are and what they mean and knowing that they are good for me are good for me.
Change makes me feel good. Yup. Weirdly I kinda thrive on change, I like switching things up, building new things, making new moves. I feel like I need some dramatic changes in my attitude and my approach. More on that another day.
Feeling polished makes me feel good. Thing is when you’re really fat, you are constantly fed this line that you aren’t polished, you aren’t glamorous and that you can’t be. Like no matter how much you try you can’t polish a turd. I like to get my hair done and my nails done and I’ve not done either in quite a while feeling down doesn’t exactly motivate me to get sparkly its a vicious cycle.
Movement makes me feel good. And I’m just not.
So here’s the plan.
I quit the gym. Yeah I know this seems pretty counterproductive but stay with me. A big issue I have with making time to go to the gym is that I want to be at home after a hard days work, I want to be with my husband and my son and I want to have fun with them. I have plenty of ways to exercise at home without needing to go to a gym down the road, plus pennies in my pocket rather than theres. Although quitting the gym is a lot like when Ross and Chandler tried to quit the gym, the argument is ongoing. I have my eye on the Body Boss system but am saving pennies at the moment for our honey moon so waiting on that one. I’ve also come to realise from my kick boxing session that exercise for me is more enjoyable when it’s social and it’s interesting,
I quit weight watchers. Again, I get that this is counter productive really but stay with me. I said I had reservations when I joined about the kind of mental state it would lead me to and I should have trusted my instinct. I can see that its a great platform for people but just not for me. Again quitting has not been easy. I’m heading back to a more paleo / Whole30 lifestyle because it provides the structure above, probably a 80/20 split.
I’m setting little goals. I know I have big goals and I know I have lifelong changes that I need to make, but I’m gonna set some little goals first to try and reach those bigger ones. Small steps.